The Name Game: Done, Done, Bo, Bun

What do we do when not only the reality, but also the metaphor representing that reality, becomes a heavy yoke?

Well, with the reality, we persevere, and adopt a healthy sense of denial (e.g. Who me? Cancer? Nope). With the metaphor. . .we resort to abandonment.

So the current standing of the Name Hypothesis is this: There are not "far more" women's names than men's used in pop music, as I had predicted there were.

However, it's interesting that it took us about 33 minutes to come up with 200 women's names, and those were all off the tops of our heads, whereas it took us 9 weeks and some serious milking to eek out the list of 200 men's names.

Furthermore, I really think that if I sat down with a Baby Name book and Google, I could find 600 more women's names.

But I don't want to do that. And if you want to do that, then I think you should also Google Web MD and learn about whatever disorder is afflicting you.

We leave it at this: Friday's are no longer Name Game days. But if you want to keep adding to the list, please post in the comments section of the Girls Names List. Who knows? By the time I'm finished with my very last surgery, we will have reached 800!

What is to replace the Name Game?

A new feature at The Big "C":

B, G and J Day

The inaugural B, G and J Day post. . . ahem:


B:

The Air Force played Navy two weekends ago. Bryan is supposed to care about these games a lot more than he does, which is less than the average person feels for his average Alma mater. But since he started working at joint billets 7 years ago and has been surrounded by Army and/or Air Force personnel, he has cared only about this:

That these guys won't be able to razz him about Navy losing.

And lo! For 7 years straight, Navy has beaten both Army and Air Force! 2 weeks ago, Navy won again.

1 week ago was the Navy's birthday. "The Navy celebrates its birthday?" Yes. Add it to the long list of things the military does that can be greeted with the remark, "Really?"

(BTW: The Navy's birthday is nothing compared to the Marine Corps'. Really??)

Bryan's office has a msc. fund for sending flowers at appropriate times and buying sheet cakes for the different service birthdays.

(BTW: The command sent me flowers when I broke my leg a year ago. But nothing at the occasion of my surgery. I'm guessing this is because there's a regulation that each officer's family gets one arrangement of flowers per tour, if there's an occasion to warrant it. Not that I needed more flowers. But, come on. Breast cancer? I don't get no FTD for breast cancer?)

So Bryan and Fog--this is his call sign, no idea what the guy's real name is--were in charge of ordering the Navy's birthday sheet cake. Bryan wrote out the lettering for it:

Happy Birthday Navy

Go Navy

Beat Air Force (checkmark)

Beat Army

G:

We were at the library today. The kids head into the stacks and pull out the books they want, then stack them up on a table until I say, "That's enough!"

Gemma showed me one and said, "See? It's a Dr. Snooze book we don't have."



J:

Potty training commenced. Some kids make first contact with the toilet and are trained for life.

Joshua is the type who will take some time.

Number 1--fairly successful.

Number 2--well. . . There's something about little boys and poop. . .

What's odd is that without his diaper, he looks so much older to me now. It seems like he's talking and thinking twice as much as just two days ago. But I know the biggest difference must be with me.

By next B, G and J day, I hope to have a very bright progress report to post.

The Name Game: Pressing On!

People.

Round #4 of chemotherapy starts on Monday. From that point forward, we will have just nine weeks before the official end of the chemotherapy portion of treatment and, therefore, the end of The Name Game.

We have 416 names to go if we're going to hit 800.

That means we need to find an average of 46.22... names a week if we want to hit our goal. Can we do it? Can we do it???

Some housekeeping items:

Sister #2 suggests in the comments that if we take "Rudolph" into the men's list, then we must also take his companions, Dasher, Dancer and so on.

But I don't think so. Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen are not actual men's names. Stage names in certain bars, perhaps, but not men's names, per se. So, just as Ben is a man's name used to describe a rat (we think), and so we take it, we take Rudolph, a man's name used to describe a reindeer. But this doesn't mean we take all reindeer names, just as we wouldn't take all rat names.

Except for "Mickey," of course. A rat on two different levels. (Holla', Suzanne!)

Second item: Last week, I said we wouldn't be counting, "Peggy Sue" as different from "Peggy" and "Sue."

I'm going to claim a HER moment on this one. Why wouldn't we? My own sister is named Mary Jean, and she definitely not called Mary, and definitely not called Jean. Mary Jean is its own name.

So Peggy Sue is in. As is Mary Lou, which Mary Lou Queeney tells me is in a song from years ago.

That's 2 more!

Sister #4 came up with Tallulah from the cute movie, "Bugsy Malone"--a film that gave both Jodie Foster AND Scott Beo their big breaks. Without it, we might never have gotten Charles in Charge. Whew. I don't even like to think of that national treasure never coming into production.

Sister #3 gave us Nicki from Prince's song, "Little Nicki."

Which brings us to another note: Nicki, even if we already have Nicole? Judges are going with "yes" on this. Nicknames are in. Because how are we to know if that birth certificate read Nicki or Nicole? My sister-in-law is named "Sandi," and not Sandra.

Am I stretching the rules a tad to facilitate the climb to 800? Yes.

And that's it from the trenches. Two new names. Two names from last week that we're now counting. 4. Four names.

Well shy of this week's average requirement.

But let's not despair. I've done a little thinking of my own. So. Ahem:

Sandra Dee from 'Grease'

Evangeline from that song that hit the Pop 40 when I was a Freshman in college. . .so the year was. . .1997-98. Don't know the group. But I'm sure many of you do. Nick, for instance, knows exactly what I'm talking about, right?

Gidget from the TV show

Dot from the Animaniacs theme song

Cynthia, a Springsteen song by the same name

Early Pearly, so, Pearl, also from the Boss in 'Blinded by the Light'

And from Mambo #5, we get several names, some of which are already on the list, but new ones include:

Angela
Pamela
Monica
Erica
Tina

Finally, and I think it's time to unsheathe this weapon, we have a little help from Google.

For instance, I thought of a random name, Babette, and plugged it into Google as "Babette Lyrics" and sure enough, there is a Frank Zappa song titled "Babette."

Then I thought, "Hmm, each of my sisters' names is on the list except for Leslie's."

Same thing. Came up with "Leslie is Different," by Small Fred.

I don't know who Small Fred is. I don't know anything about him except that a) He's probably small is some sense of the word and b) he wrote a song titled "Leslie is Different."

The question now is this: Does Google work on your computer, too?

I mean, with Google on our side, we could have this thing licked in a week or two!

For now, 17 new names to add.

Check the Name List on the labels to see the updated total.

FINALLY: It occurred to me as I was trying to think of names, too, that part of the frustration here is the long list. I thought of "Alberta," for instance, from Clapton's song, and then scrolled up and--DOH!--it's there already.

Maybe this kind of thing is holding you back. You don't want to have to look it up to see if it's there. And so you don't bother at all.

Well don't hold back any longer! Put up all the names you can think of and I'll sort through which ones are new.

Oh, finally, no, seriously, this is the final point: I plan to blog live again from the chemo barn on Monday. Dr. Science should be back in, and I'm hoping he did his homework on the family history thing so I can fill you all in on the madness that got this game started.

The Name Game: Here Come the Girls!

"Are we really going to do this?"

Yes. We really are. And we're going to start with an e-mail from KQ:

"I have to admit, I was a bit rushed last week and one day I started to read your Name Game blog, got about a third of the way through and figured it wasn't anything new or pressing, and I'd just skip that one and catch up later."

[By which she means: it was way too long and boring, so she didn't read it. And I don't blame her. But I'm serious blogger, and that means writing the long, boring stuff when required.]

"Well, yesterday my mom called to have me walk her through sending you her list of names (hope it got to you in a readable format)"

[Her Mom is Mrs. Queeney, who did send the attachment, but it was NOT readable, so I'll be re-typing ONE HUNDRED names instead of copying them electronically. --Because she did send them on hard copy, making the capital investment in this project now 88 cents. I figure that Mrs. Queeney owes me something for the inconvenience, so I ripped off her title, "Here Come the Girls" and used it as my own.]

"and I thought, "Wait, we started the womens' names now? how could I have missed that?"

"Upon re-reading, to the end, the entry of that day last week I felt terribly guilty for having abandoned the cause. I stepped out of the race, and you can't do that so we can't either."

Yes, KQ. Exactly. I'm not sure how or when this thing became a metaphor, but it has and it is and we shall persevere.

Speaking of those who picked up on the metaphorical point, let me say that when I logged in the day after the last Name Game post and found Suzanne's 80 entries, and those of a few more who got right one it, I started to cry. I really did. And it's not just because I'm menopausal now and my hormones have declared an unbridled Senior Ditch kind of day.

So.

What are we looking at here?

First, a few more men's names:

from KQ: "Seamus" from Pink Floyd's song

From Mrs. Queeney: Stan, "The Ascent of Stan" (Upon checking, we already have "Stan")
"Mighty Quinn" (though I can't believe that didn't end up in that long Irish list. . .)
"Clyde" from "Bonnie and. . ."

My parents are in town and the OOO has failed to come up with the musical number Mrs. Queeney challenged him with. I'm not going to tell him, either. He'll have to pry that rusty trap open. . .

Emily gave us "Rudolph" from Reindeer fame. Huh! Right there in front of us this whole time. . .

And Amanda gave us "Jason," from a song titled "Birdhouse in Your Soul."

My brother--yes, I have a brother, though so far you've all only heard from various sisters--phoned in "Bad Bones Billy" from Springsteen's "Rosalita."

We've already got Billy, of course. And the judges are not taking names qualified as nicknames to be different submissions. Though we WILL take "Rosalita" for the women's list.

I mention this failed submission to the men's list only to point out that I'm NOT going to point out that my brother has a giant goose egg next to his name while all his sisters have faithfully posted numbers in the double digits. But, like I said, I'm not going to point that out.

Finally, I have a men's name to submit. Suzanne claimed a HER moment for not coming up with Don Quixote. I'm going to double down on that and point out that we then BOTH missed, in that theme song, the name "Sancho." DOH!!!

If you look on the left of the page in the labels, there is one titled "Name List: Men's" and one titled "Name List: Women's." That's where the complete list will be posted from now on because these lists will become too long to have up on one page that can be displayed.

And the men's list is now 202 names long.

One question for the judges came up: Are we taking instrumental songs that feature a name in the title but, obviously, no lyrics?

No.

And another timely clarification: Multiple spellings of the same name do not count as different names for the list. So all the Amy's, Aime's, Amee's, Aimee's, and Aymie's out there amount to one magnificent name for the list.

Now, if you peruse the comments section of the last Name Game post, you will find all the submissions so far, save Mrs. Queeney's list of 100, which are going to magically appear on the Name List and if you have any questions as to where they are from, you'll have to ask. But for the others, you can check the comments.

Let me also surmise here that Suzanne's list of 80, on which Sister #1, who has already excelled these into a sheet for me, commented, 'That woman is a nut," --came not from any kind of research, but from the top of Suzanne's head.

We are already so well past 200 submissions that I have no idea how many have been duplicated. Let me fiddle with the list here and get back to you. . .

Huh! A lot of duplicates. Not duplicate songs, but many, many names appear in more than one tune. Interesting. And a definite advantage for the men's names because a good number of them are probable one and onlies. (e.g "Shaugnessey"--come on. You're not gonna find that name in too many places. Or "Maurice." I mean, seriously.)

So our women's list now totals 182. That's a bang up start! Well done.

The judges had to make another ruling, by the way. What are we to do with names like "Peggy Sue." Count Peggy and Sue? Sure. Two names. But count it, also, as "Peggy Sue" and therefore different from "Peggy"?

Nope. Talk about leaving the door open to the Irish. . .

OK, team. 618 names to go. 9 weeks to find them.

The Name Game: Almost Half Way

Round 3 of chemo is in my body. In 2 more weeks, I'll officially be at the half-way point of the chemotherapy portion of treatment.

You're about to see how this all ties in.

But first, this week's Name Game Round-up:

Sister #1 is next to me, on Lil Sweetie, playing various versions of "What's It All About Alfie?" OK, Laura. I believe that this is a real song. OK, OK, OK! Make it stop. . .

Sister #2, Mary Jean, decided to stop pleading, "I'm not into music the way the rest of you are" and go the mattresses by reading her CD booklets. And what did she find? A very nice nesting:

Robin Hood
William Tell
Ivanhoe
Lancelot

All from ELO's "Can't Get it out of My Head." We already have "William" in the list, but we'll take the other 3 and, thanks, now, for getting a song into our heads that we can't get out.

She doesn't stop there. MJ also submits Beethoven and a few other composers from another ELO song, "Rockaria." We can't take last names, but big props for effort.

And then a few indisputables from the rest of Mary Jean's list:

Beau - from Joshua Kadison's "Beau's au Night Radio Love Line"

Jacob - from U2's "Bullet the Blue Sky"
Jara - from U2's "One Tree Hill."

Am I humbled that the non-into-music sister scored 2 names from U2 that I had not thought of? Indeed.

6 names from one sister who doesn't even like music! Cha-Ching is right.

Emily wrote into the comments section, full of the energy of the newly pregnant (congrats, Emily!) and thus ready for any challenge. She mined deep and pulled out some realy beauties from Broadway:

Jud - from Oklahoma!'s "Poor Jud"

Plutarch
Claudius
Brute (as in Brutus) - all from 7 Brides for 7 Brothers' "Sobbin' Women"

Admetus
Augustus
Alonzo
James (of course, we already have Jimmy)
Jonathan (Judges will review whether this is covered by "Johnny")
Plato - all from "Naming of Cats" from Cats

Abraham, from the children's church song "Father Abraham"

Zaccheus, also from a children's church song

Ned, a unique offering from a folk song of Emily's youth, "Foolish Questions"

And finally, because the classics shall not be ignored,

Mack
Louis (though we do have Louie already)
Patrick -- all from Mack the Knife.

Well done, Emily! At least 13 names!


Speaking of mining deep, Mrs. Queeney has my number. She writes:


Amy! You asked for it: I don't know how I let this pass, but everybody missed the Who's "Boris the Spider". I saw them perform it live at Poplar Creek with Mike when he was about 16. Doesn't anybody love the Beatles anymore?

Add "Maxwell's Silver Hammer" (not the same as Max).

If you include the "Mr." titles, you can add "For the Benefit of Mr. Kite" and "Mean Mr. Mustard", both on the Abbey Road album; and from the musical comedy genre, "Mr. Goldstone, I Love You" from Gypsy, and "Mr. Snow" from Carousel, and the 50s classic rock "Mr. Lee" by the Ronnettes.

[AP!: Sorry, no last names. But this does present another sub-category for idle consideration. How many last names appear in American pop songs? I don't really want anyone to answer that question.]


Before you close out the musical theater category, add "I, Don Quixote, the Lord of La Mancha".

[OH. . . Suzanne is kicking herself! How did we miss this, friend??? She and I used to sing this soundtrack all the way through back in The Day.]


Ask if your Mom, Dad or Thallemers remember the name of the show we all saw thanks to Lou Mach's free tickets at the Studebaker Theater - the title was a man's name.

[AP!: There you have it, Mom and Dad. MLQ has thrown the gauntlet in front of you. Mom, if you know it, don't say it. We want to put OOO's steel trap to the test.]


In the folk music category I found the Kingston Trio's "Corey, Corey" but didn't count "Tom Dooley" or "John Birch Society" from the Chad Mitchell Trio.

I will ask you to consider their "James James Morrison Morrison Weatherby George Dupree" (lyrics continue: took great care of his mother though he was only three...".)

[AP!: What am I supposed to do with this song, MLQ? In that whole thing. . .I guess we have the new additions "Morrison"--but only one--and "Weatherby"--we have George, and Dupree is a last name. Right?]

I found "The Ballad of Sigmund Freud" and "Old King Cole" on a Harry Belafonte album but didn't include "John Henry" because of duplication.

You never run out of Irishmen, and since they never shut up, there are more songs - I found "Colm Quigley" and "Elzic's Farewell" on Celtic music albums, and remembered "H,A, double R, I,G,A,N spells Harrigan".

The Benjamin Britten opera "Peter Grimes" belongs in, but maybe not "Billy Budd", also because of duplication. I think they're both from the 1940s.

Please add, from a salient moment of your misspent youth, the 1985 Chicago Bears "Super Bear Shuffle". We'll skip the two Mikes and Jims, but consider including OTIS (Wilson), GARY (Fencik) and maybe STEVE (Fuller).

[AP!: Ah, the the day the Bears won Super Bowl XX, I turned 11 years old. I still have the deck of Bears playing cards that Mrs. Thallemer gave me at the superbowl party that kind of sort of doubled as a birthday cake time for me. And I remember many of the lyrics from the "Shuffle," especially Gary Fencik's, RIP:

"It's Gary here
And I'm Mr. Clean
They call me hit man
Don't know what they mean

Buddy's guys
Cover it down to the bone
That's why they call it
The 46 zone

Come on everybody
Let's scream and yell
We're gonna' do the shuffle
And ring your bell."

[And I still don't know what "46 zone" means.]

MLQ goes on:

Do nicknames count? If so, add SWEETNESS for Walter Payton and FRIDGE for William Perry.

[AP!: Sorry, no nicknames. But if we allowed them, Sweetness would be first on the list. This whole conversation reminds me of when my brother turned 34. He said, "That's right! It's my year of Peyton!" Because, of course, Walter Peyton was #34.

That year, John's house caught on fire, his family was displaced for the year and the job he had expected to pan out didn't, though something else did come through.

Well. I turned 34 in January. And am in the midst of my Year of Peyton. You know what? You can go f. . . eh, never mind. I just consulted Sister #1, and she says she had a bad Year of Peyton. Makes me wonder: how did everyone else do with year #34?]

MLQ again:

I checked to see if "Boris the Spider" made the cut and was chagrined at the lack of "Bo Diddley" and "Bojangles". These are classics!

I started this by remembering Porgy and Finian, from the Broadway shows bearing their names, then forgot to include them.

I don't have a copy of Steve Goodman's "A Dying Cub Fan's Last Request" but I'm sure it included ERNIE (Banks) and Keith (Moreland). I did find "Song for David" and "The Dutchman" - too generic?

Neil Diamond recorded "Longfellow Serenade" and "Soolaimon".
If you keep this up any longer, I'll have to go find some 8-tracks

[AP!: The Dutchman? Too generic, yes. But what a robust round of applause this effort deserves. 8-tracks? Oh, please save us!

MLQ also e-mailed with the answer to the theater question posed to Mom and Dad, but I'm not giving it up, because I really want to see if he remembers.]


Sheesh. How many names is that from MLQ? After excluding the last names among them, we are left with a whopping 20 names!

And then, and then and then and then, MLQ writes:

"Let me know when you're ready to count the women's song names - the men may have them beaten. I don't think it's the 4:1 ratio you predicted."

Ka POW!

WHAMO!

ShaZAM!

Let me know when you're read to count the women's names. . .


I know what you're all thinking: Do we really have to do this, Amy? Hasn't this all gotten kind of old? We don't have to count women's names. We don't have to get to the end of the test, do we? We've experienced enough of the Name Game. It's time to move on to something else.

I feel you. I am totally there with you. Do you think I really want to start fielding women's names?

You know what? That's exactly what the treatment for cancer feels like right now. It's all pretty old. I know the drill. I'm ready to be done with it. Whatever excitement--no matter how macabre--was there in the first place is gone now. And yet the marathon stretches out in front of us.

It's a long road. And I'm not quite half way done with part of it.

Well, we're half-way done with the Name Game hypothesis. That is, the men's list is looking pretty maxed out. Maybe. All are welcome to continue to add names to it.

But it's time to receive women's names now, too. If I'm right, we'll compile a list 4 times as long. Given that our men's names now number 196 (see below), we're looking for nearly 800 women's names.

Can I tell you how scared I am to see these submissions? Is there a way to control the onslaught?

Well, I'm tossing it out there and we'll see what happens.

I know that Amy is on the list. So that's Name #1.

1. Abie
2. Abraham
3. Adam
4. Admetus
5. Al (taken as different from Albert, because it might be short for Alan)
6. Albert
7. Alex
8. Alfie
9. Alonzo
10. Amadeus
11. Andy
12. Anthony
13. Augustus
14. Austin
15. Beau
16. Ben(nie)
17. Bernie
18. Bill(y)
19. Bo
20. Bob(by)
21. Bojangles
22. Boris
23. Brady
24. Branigan
25. Brian
26. Brutus
27. Buddy
28. Cadigan
29. Cain
30. Casper
31. Charles(Charlie)
32. Chester
33. Chris
34. Claudius
35. Cletus
36. Colm
37. Connely
38. Corey
39. Daniel
40. Davy
41. Dean
42. Diego
43. Don
44. Donnely
45. Dooley
46. Duffy
47. Duke
48. Earl
49. Eddie
50. Eli
51. ElRoy
52. Elvis
53. Elzic
54. Ernie
55. Ezekiel
56. Felix
57. Fernando
58. Finian
59. Flanahan
60. Flannigan
61. Flynn
62. Fogarty
63. Frank
64. Franklin
65. Fred
66. Gabriel
67. Galileo
68. Gary
69. Garreth
70. Gene
71. George
72. Gilligan
73. Gus
74. Hagen
75. Harrigan
76. Harry
77. Henry
78. Hogarty
79. Ivanhoe
80. Jack
81. Jacob
82. Jara
83. Jed
84. Jeremiah
85. Jeremy
86. Jerry
87. Jessie
88. Jesus
89. Jim/James
90. Joey
91. John(ny)
92. Jonas
93. Jose
94. Juan
95. Jud
96. Jude
97. Julio
98. Keith
99. Kelly
100. Kenneth
101. Lafferty
102. Lanahan
103. Lancelot
104. Lawrence
105. Lazarus
106. Lee
107. Lenny
108. Leonard
109. Leonid
110. Leroy
111. Lester
112. Levon
113. Lloyd
114. Louie
115. Luka
116. Luke
117. Mack
118. Madigan
119. MaGinn
120. Mahone
121. Malachy
122. Malcolm
123. Malone
124. Manahan
125. Manny
126. Marciano
127. Marty
128. Marvin
129. Maurice
130. Max
131. Maxwell
132. McGuffy
133. McGuinness
134. Michael
135. Micky
136. Milligan
137. Monty
138. Morrison
139. Moses
140. Muldowney
141. Napoleon
142. Ned
143. O'Fagan
144. O'Hooley
145. O'Houlihan
146. O'Kelly
147. Ollie (perhaps not always a derivative of Oliver)
148. Oliver
149. Otis
150. Owusu
151. Pablo
152. Patrick
153. Paul
154. Peter
155. Pherb
156. Phinnas
157. Plato
158. Plutarch
159. Porgy
160. Rafferty
161. Rasputin
162. Rene
163. Richard
164. Ricky
165. Rico
166. Robin
167. Roland
168. Romeo
169. Ronnie
170. Roy
171. Sam
172. Sean
173. Shanahan
174. Sigmund
175. Silas
176. Soolaimon
177. Stan
178. Steve
179. Sue
180. Thomson
181. Tim
182. Toby
183. Tom(my)
184. Tony
185. Tuck
186. Ulysses
187. Victor
188. Vincent
189. Vito
190. Walter
191. Wayne
192. Weatherby
193. Whelan
194. Willie
195. Wyatt
196. Zaccheus

The Name Game: A Turtle Week

What was that horrid sound that stretched from Friday through Wednesday?

It was like. . .like gears grinding to a sad and tragic halt.

What have you people been doing all week? Where are the names?

But Amanda kicked it back into gear with a submission on Wednesday. She wrote:

Amy, got a few more names for you. I realized you said you don't listen to
kids' music and then it hit me! More names! I am in love with Laurie Berkner
and her unbelievable voice. I have to admit, I leave her CDs playing in the
car when there aren't any kids riding with me! She is fantastic! I'm smitten.

Anyway, she's got some male names for you. You ready?Joe
(I see you have Joey, not sure if this counts) [AP!: Afraid it doesn't, as
we've been counting derivatives and their originating names as one]

From Candy Cane JaneFreddie: From Victor Vito
(and there's a second Victor while I'm at it!)

The rest all come from the same song...her
version of "The More We Get Together":

Tobie
Andrew
Owusu (I checked, this is a guy)
So there's another five for you.

Tell you what: I like it. I like it a lot.

I like how Amanda did the research to discover that Owusu is a guy's name. And I like even more--because it's a lesson to the rest of us--how she accessed music she knew she was familiar while supposing that many others are not. That is, she thought through to the "deep cut."

No one here minds that she listens to children's music when there are no children around.

So let's all take a lesson from the "deep cut." It's time to mine the recordings in our posession that might not be too well known and/or that we ourselves don't often listen to.

I did this myself this week. I listened to U2's All That You Can't Leave Behind, a CD with many excellent tracts such that the lesser ones are lesser to me. As I listened to "Peace On Earth," a song I admittedly skip over often, I heard these names:

Sean
Garreth

Products of a deep cut.

This gives us

Andrew

Toby

Vito

Owusu

Garreth

Sean

6 Names. Steady progress. Mostly thanks to Amanda. Our current total now:

1. Abie
2. Adam
3. Al (taken as different from Albert, because it might be short for Alan)
4. Albert
5. Alex
6. Amadeus
7. Andy
8. Anthony
9. Austin
10. Ben(nie)
11. Bernie
12. Bill(y)
13. Bob(by)
14. Brady
15. Branigan
16. Brian
17. Buddy
18. Cadigan
19. Cain
20. Casper
21. Charles(Charlie)
22. Chester
23. Chris
24. Cletus
25. Connely
26. Daniel
27. Davy
28. Dean
29. Diego
30. Donnely
31. Dooley
32. Duffy
33. Duke
34. Earl
35. Eddie
36. Eli
37. ElRoy
38. Elvis
39. Ezekiel
40. Felix
41. Fernando
42. Flanahan
43. Flannigan
44. Flynn
45. Fogarty
46. Frank
47. Franklin
48. Fred
49. Gabriel
50. Galileo
51. Garreth
52. Gene
53. George
54. Gilligan
55. Gus
56. Hagen
57. Harry
58. Henry
59. Hogarty
60. Jack
61. Jed
62. Jeremiah
63. Jeremy
64. Jerry
65. Jessie
66. Jesus
67. Jim/James
68. Joey
69. John(ny)
70. Jonas
71. Jose
72. Juan
73. Jude
74. Julio
75. Kelly
76. Kenneth
77. Lafferty
78. Lanahan
79. Lawrence
80. Lazarus
81. Lee
82. Lenny
83. Leonard
84. Leonid
85. Leroy
86. Lester
87. Levon
88. Lloyd
89. Louie
90. Luka
91. Luke
92. Madigan
93. MaGinn
94. Mahone
95. Malachy
96. Malcolm
97. Malone
98. Manahan
99. Manny
100. Marciano
101. Marty
102. Marvin
103. Maurice
104. Max
105. McGuffy
106. McGuinness
107. Michael
108. Micky
109. Milligan
110. Monty
111. Moses
112. Muldowney
113. Napoleon
114. O'Fagan
115. O'Hooley
116. O'Houlihan
117. O'Kelly
118. Ollie (perhaps not always a derivative of Oliver)
119. Oliver
120. Owusu
121. Pablo
122. Paul
123. Peter
124. Pherb
125. Phinnas
126. Rafferty
127. Rasputin
128. Rene
129. Richard
130. Ricky
131. Rico
132. Robin
133. Roland
134. Romeo
135. Ronnie
136. Roy
137. Sam
138. Sean
139. Shanahan
140. Silas
141. Stan
142. Sue
143. Thomson
144. Tim
145. Toby
146. Tom(my)
147. Tony
148. Tuck
149. Ulysses
150. Victor
151. Vincent
152. Vito
153. Walter
154. Wayne
155. Whelan
156. Willie
157. Wyatt

Oh! I went to update the list and saw that we have "Andy," so "Andrew" is not new. So we had 5 this week, not 6.

OK. This is OK. Slow and steady finishes the race, folks! Let's harvest some names this week!

The Name Game: 150 Barrier BROKEN!

Production has slowed down in The Name Game. That's OK. I had a slow week, too.

Of course, it's hard to compete with a week like last's, and it might well be that the trough is close to empty. Let's take a look.

Janice came up with Jed from the Beverly Hillbillies. I miss the days when TV shows had words to their theme songs. Especially when those songs described the whole situation of the sit-com that followed, unlike the weanie kind of theme songs from shows like Family Ties and Golden Girls. "Thank you for being a friend?" Sure. You're welcome. Now will you please explain to be why these 4 broads are living together in a Florida Dream House?

Amanda hit the cartoon well and gave us:

Tyrone
Austin
Pablo, all from The Backyardigans--a show that even I don't mind watching.

Diego, who needs no explanation. He's like the hotty of the kid cartoon world.

Franklin, who is a nerdy turtle. LOVE that kid!

Tuck
Ollie, from Wonderpets, which I've never seen, but I totally take Amanda's word for it. We do already have Oliver on the list, but I don't think Ollie is always a derivative of Oliver.

Laurie, who gave play by play postings on my surgery, made an oral submission: Cletus. I don't remember which song it's from, but therein lies the danger of oral submissions.

Finally, last week, I did not include "Luka," as submitted by Nick, because I thought it was a girl's name, describing a battered woman. Why did I think this? Because it's sung by Suzanna Vega, and she starts the song, "My name is Luka, I live on the second floor. . ." and that was always enough for me to reach the conclusion I reached.

Turns out I was far too hasty.

Nick writes:

"Considering that Luka is a boys' name (although that is not dispositive -- in "Nikita" by Elton John -- Nikita seems to be girl -- though considering it's Elton, who knows?), I stand by my belief that "Luka" is about a boy that is being abused. I thought the music video was pretty clear on this point. But a quick youtube viewing (admittedly cursory) reveals this to be more ambiguous than I remembered. Is Suzanne singing about herself or the boy in video? Neither one has bruises. But I think it's the boy that lives upstairs -- not the singer. By the way, that boy grew up to be Meadow's boyfriend in the first season of The Sopranos. (Thanks IMDB!)"

Extra points for using the word "dispositive," Nick!

Amanda confirms his point in the comments section, the song is about a boy.

But, honestly, who knew that Luka was a boy's name to begin with?

So Luka is in.

This gives us, for this week:

Jed
Tyrone
Austin
Pablo
Diego
Franklin
Tuck
Ollie
Cletus
Luka

10 Names! That's pretty good. Tough that it falls in the shadow of last week's gargantuan 60+ total, but a solid performance none-the-less.

Our grand total is now:

1. Abie
2. Adam
3. Al (taken as different from Albert, because it might be short for Alan)
4. Albert
5. Alex
6. Amadeus
7. Andy
8. Anthony
9. Austin
10. Ben(nie)
11. Bernie
12. Bill(y)
13. Bob(by)
14. Brady
15. Branigan
16. Brian
17. Buddy
18. Cadigan
19. Cain
20. Casper
21. Charles(Charlie)
22. Chester
23. Chris
24. Cletus
25. Connely
26. Daniel
27. Davy
28. Dean
29. Diego
30. Donnely
31. Dooley
32. Duffy
33. Duke
34. Earl
35. Eddie
36. Eli
37. ElRoy
38. Elvis
39. Ezekiel
40. Felix
41. Fernando
42. Flanahan
43. Flannigan
44. Flynn
45. Fogarty
46. Frank
47. Franklin
48. Fred
49. Gabriel
50. Galileo
51. Gene
52. George
53. Gilligan
54. Gus
55. Hagen
56. Harry
57. Henry
58. Hogarty
59. Jack
60. Jed
61. Jeremiah
62. Jeremy
63. Jerry
64. Jessie
65. Jesus
66. Jim/James
67. Joey
68. John(ny)
69. Jonas
70. Jose
71. Juan
72. Jude
73. Julio
74. Kelly
75. Kenneth
76. Lafferty
77. Lanahan
78. Lawrence
79. Lazarus
80. Lee
81. Lenny
82. Leonard
83. Leonid
84. Leroy
85. Lester
86. Levon
87. Lloyd
88. Louie
89. Luka
90. Luke
91. Madigan
92. MaGinn
93. Mahone
94. Malachy
95. Malcolm
96. Malone
97. Manahan
98. Manny
99. Marciano
100. Marty
101. Marvin
102. Maurice
103. Max
104. McGuffy
105. McGuinness
106. Michael
107. Micky
108. Milligan
109. Monty
110. Moses
111. Muldowney
112. Napoleon
113. O'Fagan
114. O'Hooley
115. O'Houlihan
116. O'Kelly
117. Ollie (perhaps not always a derivative of Oliver)
118. Oliver
119. Pablo
120. Paul
121. Peter
122. Pherb
123. Phinnas
124. Rafferty
125. Rasputin
126. Rene
127. Richard
128. Ricky
129. Rico
130. Robin
131. Roland
132. Romeo
133. Ronnie
134. Roy
135. Sam
136. Shanahan
137. Silas
138. Stan
139. Sue
140. Thomson
141. Tim
142. Tom(my)
143. Tony
144. Tuck
145. Ulysses
146. Victor
147. Vincent
148. Walter
149. Wayne
150. Whelan
151. Willie
152. Wyatt

We've broken the 150 threshold! Can you feel this vehicle starting to shutter from the sheer force of our achievement???

Will we crack 200??

The Name Game: Crazy Things Afoot!

I got a phone call earlier this week from Yolanda. She works at the surgery clinic at Evans and when she announced herself, I had a heart-stopping moment of, 'Did I miss an appointment? How could I have an appointment there? You get into big trouble with these people if you miss an appointment!'

She continued on to explain that she was calling for Dr. Mayfield to give me, "Men's names from songs. . . He said you would understand."

I burst out laughing and told her, "I'm so sorry you've gotten roped into this, Yolanda!"

She said, "I asked him if I had research I wanted him to do on the phone for me, would he do it? And he said 'sure.'"

Heh heh. Sure. . .

So I am crediting these to both Mayfield and Yolanda, which makes her, officially, part of The Team.

"Paul & Silas" by the Stoneypoint Quartet.

Lazarus - from "Po' Lazarus" by James Carter & The Prisoners, off the Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? soundtrack. (I asked Yolanda, "This is a good one! Have you ever seen the movie?" She hadn't. Was it funny? "Well, it's funny, but it's quirky-funny," and she said, "I hate quirky.")

Mayfield also tried to submit "LeRoy," but we already have it on the list.

I thanked Yolanda extensively. Told her I'd make her famous on my blog. Welcomed her, officially, to The Team. Glad to have you aboard, Yolanda!

But this wasn't the only crazy entry of the week. I also received a piece of mail from Mrs. Queeney. Enclosed was a print-out of the lyrics of an Irish song and an accompanying note:

"Dear Amy!

[yes, thank you for using the correct punctuation mark with my name]

I don't know why this wouldn't e-mail. I was no where near Mary Jean's disturbed Indians

[This is a reference to my sister's bizarre electronic issues in her home, which she blames on on, well, disturbed Indians]

Maybe we have angry Confederate soldiers.

Anyway, if you let mentioned names rather than only title songs in, here's another 32 men. Yes, it's patriarchal, but what you expect--Irishmen!"

32 names????? Seriously???? In one song???

She's serious.

Here's the link to it: http://www.irishsongs.com/lyrics.php?Action=view&Song_id=94

And here are the relevant lyrics--the last stanza that's a great big pinata of men's names raining down on our heads:

Meet Branigan, Flannigan, Milligan, Gilligan, Duffy, McGuffy, Malachy, Malone
Rafferty, Lafferty, Donnely, Connely, Dooley, O'Hooley, Muldowney, Mahone,
Madigan, Cadigan, Lanahan, Flanahan, Hagen, O'Fagan, O'Houlihan, Flynn,
Shanahan, Manahan, Hogarty, Fogarty, Kelly, O'Kelly, McGuinness, MaGinn...CHORUS


3 technical matters:

1. We have not been insisting on title songs only, so these are admissible in this regard.

2. While we reject the "name checks" found in rap and r&b and boy band songs, these are name checks of band members. So they are also in.

3. This letter represents the first fiscal investment in The Big "C," --that of the $0.44 for postage. (Maybe a little less, because she used a Forever stamp.)

Way to go, MLQ! I appreciate the vote of confidence that money can cast in a voice like no other!

Those familiar with the whole history of the Name Game will recall that I have often called out my friend Nick for not getting to the names from ABBA songs first. This, finally provoked a response:

"Look, sorry to say, but the movie Mamma Mia! kind of required that I distance myself from ABBA for awhile. Not out of pride (it has never been -- and never will be -- cool to like ABBA). But what I love -- really LOVE -- about that group was was the immaculate production quality. They routinely layered Agnetha's soprano and Frida's mezzo-soprano over each other to perfection -- with some ear-tingling instrumentation thrown in.

"That movie killed that -- and yet people apparently liked it. Astounding to me because it devalued the real genius (yes, genius) of that group. I was so annoyed -- that I engaged in some subconscious backlash. Maybe that a bunch of crap -- or maybe it a decent explanation of why no ABBA songs have come to mind during this little lyrical exploration.

[AP: "Little lyrical exploration"??? Back away, man. Back. Slowly. Away.]

"So this is not out of passion -- it's because I'm tired of being called out -- that I actually made myself think about this in order to give you two additional ABBA submissions:

Sam ("Hole in Your Soul")
Jerry ("Hole in Your Soul")

And here are a few more names for the list (more challenging -- and fun! -- now considering that many pop into my mind are duplicates):

Luka ("Luka" by Suzanne Vega)

[AP: But isn't "Luka" a woman's name? I thought this was a song about a woman who is being abused. . .]

Gabriel ("Walking in Memphis" by Marc Cohn)
Ulysses ("Ulysses" by Franz Ferdinand)
Jonas and Ezekial ("Jonas and Ezekial" by Indigo Girls)
Marvin ("Nightshift" by The Commodores)
Duke ("Sir Duke" by Stevie Wonder)
Alex ("Alex Chilton" by The Replacements")
Tim ("Tim McGraw" by Taylor Swift)
Brian ("Brian Wilson" by Barnaked Ladies)

And if we're including Napoleon (from "Waterloo") and "Galileo", we should also include Rasputin (from "Closer to Fine" by Indigo Girls)."

Whoah! Nick smoked that. Very impressive foray.

When I told him that I would make him famous on the blog, he was quick to give credit for the "it will never be cool to like ABBA" line to another writer, Adam B. Vary. Admirable and honorable.

Following our vote that admitted TV theme songs, we had a flurry of activity in the Comments section:

Janice gave us

George
Elroy both from the Jetsons

She asks about Scooby-Doo, but this doesn't seem to be a man's name used to describe a dog, but a dog's name used to describe a dog who is oddly like a man. I don't think we can allow it.

Carlo got back in the game after nursing his wounds over the name-check submissions being thrown out and gave us Gilligan and then Robin, from the Dukes of Hazzard song.

Also from Janice, Manny, from Handy and Manny. (I've never heard of this.)

And Max, from Max and Ruby.

(Gemma and Josh love this cartoon! Ruby is the older sister and Max is the younger brother. They are both rabbits and, amazingly, Gemma sees a lot of herself in Ruby and Joshua laughs and laughs at Max's antics.)

There was some controversy as Mary Jean tried to submit "Mike" from the Brady Bunch. Mike isn't in that song. But "a man named Brady" is--and Janice wonders if this is admissible because Brady can be a first name.

We allowed Thompson last week, though it was referring to a weapon, because it can be a first name. So I don't see why Brady should be excluded.

Then MJ's son, Joe, came up with Phinnas and Pherb. I was thinking, "Thanks for playing, young one, but can we be a little serious here?"

But Janice chimed in that these characters--though weird--are little boys. So. OK.

"Flow Rider"? This is not a man's name. That'd be like including "Spider Man" or "Aqua Boy."

Sponge Bob and Square Pants, also submitted. But we already have 'Bob' on the list and "Square Pants," again--not a man's name.

There are plenty of other TV theme songs to mine, though. Let's stay the course.

Finally, Amanda, new to all of you, old friend from Korea, came up with several new hits--

Leonard, Leonid, Lenny, Lester -- all from REM's End of the World as We Know It. We already had "Lester" from Dad's Big Band submission, I just thought it was interesting that a name like "Lester" could show up twice.

Also,

Ronnie from Escape Club's "Wild West," and

Victor from Billy Joel's "Leningrad."

Welcome aboard, Amanda. Way to make a splash!

I don't even know how many new names this is. About 60, I think.

60 Names!? Ugh. But Laura is going to tag team this one for me (again), and do some fancy excel-ing to get the list ready. Stay tuned for her update posted at the end here.

We've broken 100. Never thought it could be done. And there are a lot more Name Game Fridays ahead of us, so keep them coming.

From Laura - here you go:

1. Abie
2. Adam
3. Al (taken as different from Albert, because it might be short for Alan)
4. Albert
5. Alex
6. Amadeus
7. Andy
8. Anthony
9. Ben(nie)
10. Bernie
11. Bill(y)
12. Bob(by)
13. Brady
14. Branigan
15. Brian
16. Buddy
17. Cadigan
18. Cain
19. Casper
20. Charles(Charlie)
21. Chester
22. Chris
23. Connely
24. Daniel
25. Davy
26. Dean
27. Donnely
28. Dooley
29. Duffy
30. Duke
31. Earl
32. Eddie
33. Eli
34. ElRoy
35. Elvis
36. Ezekiel
37. Felix
38. Fernando
39. Flanahan
40. Flannigan
41. Flynn
42. Fogarty
43. Frank
44. Fred
45. Gabriel
46. Galileo
47. Gene
48. George
49. Gilligan
50. Gus
51. Hagen
52. Harry
53. Henry
54. Hogarty
55. Jack
56. Jeremiah
57. Jeremy
58. Jerry
59. Jessie
60. Jesus
61. Jim/James
62. Joey
63. John(ny)
64. Jonas
65. Jose
66. Juan
67. Jude
68. Julio
69. Kelly
70. Kenneth
71. Lafferty
72. Lanahan
73. Lawrence
74. Lazarus
75. Lee
76. Lenny
77. Leonard
78. Leonid
79. Leroy
80. Lester
81. Levon
82. Lloyd
83. Louie
84. Luke
85. Madigan
86. MaGinn
87. Mahone
88. Malachy
89. Malcolm
90. Malone
91. Manahan
92. Manny
93. Marciano
94. Marty
95. Marvin
96. Maurice
97. Max
98. McGuffy
99. McGuinness
100. Michael
101. Micky
102. Milligan
103. Monty
104. Moses
105. Muldowney
106. Napoleon
107. O'Fagan
108. O'Hooley
109. O'Houlihan
110. O'Kelly
111. Oliver
112. Paul
113. Peter
114. Pherb
115. Phinnas
116. Rafferty
117. Rasputin
118. Rene
119. Richard
120. Ricky
121. Rico
122. Robin
123. Roland
124. Romeo
125. Ronnie
126. Roy
127. Sam
128. Shanahan
129. Silas
130. Stan
131. Sue
132. Thomson
133. Tim
134. Tom(my)
135. Tony
136. Ulysses
137. Victor
138. Vincent
139. Walter
140. Wayne
141. Whelan
142. Willie
143. Wyatt

The Votes Have Been Counted!

Whew! I am exhausted. "From what?" you ask. No, not the medicine. No, not from being with the kids this whole week while Bryan has been at a Missile Defense War Fighter's conference. (Would you like to guess which state hosts this conference? Which state could possible be among the hot-bed hubs of missile defense action? You'll never guess.)

No, I'm exhausted from watching those two polls run neck and neck all week long! I couldn't write this post last night because the results were TIED on the TV Theme Song question as of 9:30 my time and I really needed to hit the sack. I woke up to find that a "Yes" vote was cast at the last minute, and so Wyatt, Casper and Felix make it in. Sorry to all of you who felt strongly about the discluding TV theme songs. You should have voted more often.

Laura, sister #1, came up with several in the comments section:

1. Sue (as in A BOY Named Sue - Johnny Cash)
2. Eli's Coming - Three Dog Night
3. Oliver's Army - Elvis Costello
4. Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner - Warren Zevon

Bryan tried to submit "Sue," and I turned him down, arguing that the whole point of the song is that Sue is a girl's name. But I'm going to accept it from Laura because she's the one who got all fancy and "excelled" the name list to make it alphabetical and yet still so easy for me.

And, as Bryan was not here to contest the point, the name officially counts.
That'll teach him to go to (insert improbable state name here) for a week.

Also of note is that I'm including "Thompson" which can be a first name, and is different from "Thomas," which has given us a few uses of "Tom" or "Tommy." Here, of course, it's referring to a weapon. But we've in the past used references to rats, so what's stopping us?

Sarah came up with one of the funnest songs referenced yet, "10 Rounds with Jose Cuervo,"--a great example of why I listen to country music when in the car. I laugh and laugh at this song (and a lot of the others) and Gemma calls from the back, "What are you laughing at?" and I shout back, over the song, "Country music, Gemma!!!"

Suzanne posted a long list of submissions.


1. Joseph - Under African Skies (Paul Simon)

Of course, "Joe/Joey" is already on the list, but I quote her here because I find it interesting that she thought of this song while being, in fact, under African skies. She just got back from a 3 week jaunt there with Madam Secretary, and I think it's awesome that she spent her free moments trying to improve our list here.

2. Galileo - Galileo (Indigo Girls)

Yeah. That's a guy's name. Why aren't boys named Galileo anymore? Or if not boys, how about dogs?

3. Earl - Goodbye Earl (Dixie Chicks)
4. Richard - Richard Cory (Simon and Garfunkel)
5. Lloyd - So Long, Frank Lloyd Wright (Simon and Garfunkel)
6. Rene - Rene and Georgette Magritte After the War (Paul Simon)
7. Jeremy - Jeremy (Pearl Jam)
8. Monty - Monty Got a Raw Deal (REM)
9. Marty - Marty (Rusted Root)
10. Wayne - John Wayne Gacy, Jr (Sufjan Stevens)

Oooh. Wayne! This one also shows up in Springsteen's "Darlington County,"--home of the terrific lyric, "Babe, you're lookin' at two big spenders/The world don't know what me and Wayne might do."

This got me thinking of other Springsteen songs ripe for the Name Game pickin', but wait! Suzanne's not done yet!

11. Romeo - Romeo and Juliet (Indigo Girls, or if you prefer Dire Straits or Romeo had Juliette by Lou Reed)

What do you mean, "if you prefer Dire Straits"? Are you kidding??? Hate to go all Barry on you, but of course all decent human beings prefer the Dire Straits version of that song.

12. Napolean - Waterloo - ABBA

Oh! And Nick kicks himself again as somebody else beats him to the ABBA punch. What a time to be gainfully employed and hard at work, eh Nick?

What a monster list. From just 3 people we have gained 17 names! I don't know what the rest of you are thinking about, but I'm glad these 3 ladies have carried the week.

As for a submission of my own:

Springsteen's "Adam Raise a Cain" - Ka-CHOW. 2 more names. And I've actually met someone named "Cain." This was at the wedding of friend who is an ex-con, and Cain was his best friend in prison. I didn't have the nerve to ask him, "Have you felt in any way cursed by your name?"

So today, we add the following 19 names:

Sue
Eli
Oliver
Roland
Thompson
Jose
Galileo
Earl
Richard
Lloyd
Rene
Jeremy
Monty
Marty
Wayne
Romeo
Napolean
Adam
Cain

I just tried to enter these into the list that Laura set up for me. I followed the directions specifically. I didn't mess around with the cursor, was very careful to put where you said to put it! But I couldn't get the new names to be numbered.

Well, for now, we've got the old list:

Abie
Al (taken as different from Albert, because it might be short for Alan)
Albert
Amadeus
Andy
Anthony
Ben(nie)
Bernie
Bill(y)
Bobby
Buddy
Charles(Charlie)
Chester
Chris
Daniel
Davy
Dean
Eddie
Elvis
Fernando
Frank
Fred
Gene
Gus
Harry
Henry
Jack
Jeremiah
Jessie
Jesus
Jim/James
Joey
John(ny)
Juan
Jude
Julio
Kenneth
Lawrence
Lee
Leroy
Lester
Levon
Louie
Luke
Malcolm
Marciano
Maurice
Michael
Micky
Moses
Paul
Peter
Ricky
Rico
Roy
Stan
Tom(my)
Tony
Vincent
Walter
Whelan
Willie (which comes to 62 names, I'm having a tough time with basic technology today as I couldn't get the numbers to copy. . .)

Plus today's 19, plus the 3 waiting in the wings pending the TV Theme Song poll, for a grand total of. . .

79 names!

We're 79% close to 100. And only 21% away from that mark! I never thought this was possible. Never, never, never.

But now. I mean: 79 names! Now I am certain there must be 21 more out there. Somewhere.

Name Game: The Biggest Gains to Date!

You've left me breathless.

So many names this week. Just when I thought that surely the supply must be dwindling. Most of these came in the comments section, so they are not news to you. But now it's time to do the clean-up.

First, though, some new ones came in via e-mail. Mrs. Queeney, whom I introduced you to this past week, gives us "Michael" from "Playground in My Mind." (I'm taking her word for it.) And Jim Croce's "Don't Mess Around With Jim." She also gives us submissions from the musical "Hair"--"Frank Mills" and "Abie Baby."

Musicals are fair game. I like the lateral thinking in going there.

What is troubling is Mrs. Queeney's very aggressive attempt to split this baby wide open. The judges at The Big "C" are freaking out right now. Why? Because Mrs. Queeney casually tossed out, "If you count TV theme songs. . ."

Ka-POWIE!

Do we count TV theme songs??????

Arguments for: They are post-1955; they are 'popular' in that more Americans could sing them than could sing most other 'popular' songs (right now, I'd bet my left breast that every one of you could sing the Cheers song); they are not hip-hop/rap.

Arguments against: They're TV theme songs!

I don't know. Sigh. I just don't know. Nick? What do you think? Does anyone else want to be a judge? We have several positions open right now.

If we do count TV theme songs, then Wyatt (Earp), Davy (Crockett), Casper and Felix (as in the cat, not my uncle, she points out) are on the list.

But the brazen assault didn't stop there. She also tosses out that perhaps we might "broaden the time zone" to allow Tin Pan Alley tunes such as Carol Channing's "I'm Just Wild About Harry" and Ray Bolger's "Once in Love with Amy."

I'll tell you what's attractive about this argument:

1. It will really open the discussion up to Dad, who keeps e-mailing me old-timie song submissions and

2. Mr. Thallemer used to sing "Once in Love with Amy" to me on camping trips once he'd thrown his fourth or fifth empty beer can into the fire. (Metallurgic note: Old Style cans melted; Old Milwaukee cans did not.) That is a very fond memory indeed. Even if he didn't know any words beyond that one phrase: Once in love with Amy!

So what the heck? Sure! Any song from 1900 onward!

Speaking of Dad and our newly broadened standards. . .he gives us one not likely to be found elsewhere: "Lester Leaps In" by Count Basie.

Now, turning to some un-controversial entries:

Janice gives us "Jeremiah was a bullfrog. . ."

Kathryn Queeney (who is married, by the way, and might well have a different name now; but I'd have found it impossible to give up the initial "Q,"--maybe she did, too) gives us several and reveals that though she'd like to stop this madness and start thinking of something more useful, she just can't. Hearing about this kind of obsession helps heal me, KQ. Thanks for doing your part.

And so, from KQ: Bobby McGee (knew there was a Bobby--in fact, several other entries came in for Bobby); Julio, that schoolyard song, and "You Can Call Me Al," both from Paul Simon; and "What's the Frequency Kenneth?" by REM.

Whew!

Newcomer, Gail, friend of my sister and now a friend of mine, took the hint from last week and mined Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire" for Harry, Walter, Marciano, Juan, Dean, Davy (TV theme song or not, it's in!), Lawrence, Malcolm, Bernie--now that was a worthwhile effort!

She also comes up with Levon and Jesus from Elton John's song about the balloon guy. "Uncle Albert," from the Beatles and "Fernando" from ABBA. (Nick is kicking himself for not getting to that one first. . .)

"Anonymous" submits "Joey" by Sugarland. Is that you, Vickie? I know how you like your Sugarland!

We already have Joey on the list, from the Concrete Blonde song, but I bring this up because this Sugarland song (they are a very fun country band) is a current Top 10 hit--it gets the award for the most recent use of a man's name in a pop song.

Another country submission, from Mr. Colorado himself: "Chris" is used in a Garth Brook's song that also mentions "lonely women" and "booze," so we're talking authentic country here.

His wife also submits on his behalf:

"& Luckenbach Texas song mentions Hank and Newberry e.g. "Hank William's pain songs and Newberry's train songs"

but is Newberry a male reference?"

"Hank," yes.

"Newberry"--this happens to be Mr. Colorado's last name. So it's a male name in that it refers to him, at times, and if we were still hovering around 20, I'd be desperate enough to count it. But we're fat and happy with men's names now. We're kicking butt here, people. No need to grovel.

Then there's Sister #2 who, and I'm sorry to be harsh here, but sometimes the disciplined approach is the most loving, totally phones it in. Check this comment out:

"Your title for this day, 'Name Game', isn't there a song out there stating a name then rhyming with banana and "fe fi fo fana" and then new names etc. Remember this is your non music sister, but I do believe there are guy names in it. Probably all ready on the list."

"Non music sister." This is your excuse, Mary Jean? For not actually coming up with a name from this song? Do you want to help this team or not???

Maybe I should go easy on her. Electronics in her house never work right and it's entirely possible that she's been impeded from conducting a google search of The Name Game lyrics. At least, that's what I need to believe to fall asleep at night.

Sister #3, Leslie--aided by her usual partner in crime, Maura--gives us Leroy, and Tony and Rico, these both from "Copa Cabana."

Is that all?. . . Yep. Whew. There's got to be a better way to organize these names in a way that's easy to add to without screwing up the numbering. But that's so not my thing.

For today's round-up, we have these additions:

Jim/James
Michael
Frank
Abie
Lester
Harry
Jeremiah
Bobby
Julio
Al (taken as different from Albert, because it might be short for Alan)
Albert
Kenneth
Walter
Marciano
Juan
Dean
Davy
Lawrence
Malcolm
Bernie
Levon
Jesus
Fernando
Chris
Leroy
Tony
Rico

27 Names! That is a great week's work!

And, waiting in the wings, pending the judges' decision (who are the judges again?), we have a few TV Theme Song entries, including Wyatt, Casper and Felix

Our current list:
1. Micky
2. Bill(y)
3. Maurice
4. Jack
5. Ben(nie)
6. Louie
7. Gene
8. Fred
9. Buddy
10. Henry
11. John(ny)
12. Ricky
13. Willie
14. Whelan
15. Elvis
16. Luke
17. Charles(Charlie)
18. Chester
19. Paul
20. Tom(my)
21. Daniel
22. Eddie
23. Anthony
24. Jude
25. Stan
26. Gus
27. Roy
28. Lee
29. Andy
30. Fred
31. Moses
32. Peter
33. Amadeus
34. Jessie
35. Vincent
36. Joey
37. Jim/James
38. Michael
39. Frank
40. Abie
41. Lester
42. Harry
43. Jeremiah
44. Bobby
45. Julio
46. Al (taken as different from Albert, because it might be short for Alan)
47. Albert
48. Kenneth
49. Walter
50. Marciano
51. Juan
52. Dean
53. Davy
54. Lawrence
55. Malcolm
56. Bernie
57. Levon
58. Jesus
59. Fernando
60. Chris
61. Leroy
62. Tony
63. Rico

You know what's going to happen, don't you? We're going to have to shoot for 100. And if we make it, then my hypothesis that women's names are used far more often than men's is in very serious jeopardy.

One step at a time. One step at a time.

UPDATE:

I'm related to a genius! Sister #1, Laura, not only alphabetized the list (and found a "Fred" error) but more importantly, she figured out how to keep them all numbered!

1. Abie
2. Al (taken as different from Albert, because it might be short for Alan)
3. Albert
4. Amadeus
5. Andy
6. Anthony
7. Ben(nie)
8. Bernie
9. Bill(y)
10. Bobby
11. Buddy
12. Charles(Charlie)
13. Chester
14. Chris
15. Daniel
16. Davy
17. Dean
18. Eddie
19. Elvis
20. Fernando
21. Frank
22. Fred
23. Gene
24. Gus
25. Harry
26. Henry
27. Jack
28. Jeremiah
29. Jessie
30. Jesus
31. Jim/James
32. Joey
33. John(ny)
34. Juan
35. Jude
36. Julio
37. Kenneth
38. Lawrence
39. Lee
40. Leroy
41. Lester
42. Levon
43. Louie
44. Luke
45. Malcolm
46. Marciano
47. Maurice
48. Michael
49. Micky
50. Moses
51. Paul
52. Peter
53. Ricky
54. Rico
55. Roy
56. Stan
57. Tom(my)
58. Tony
59. Vincent
60. Walter
61. Whelan
62. Willie

The Name Game: BIG GAINS!

Wow, team! Way to look lively out there!

Many have posted men's names in the comments sections, and many have e-mailed me with more. Today's the day I collect them all and see what our list looks like. A lot of work to do, people. Let's get started.

Do you remember who your phone-a-friends were going to be?

You know. Back when "Millionaire" was all the rage and you had the mental list of the people you'd have handy to contact when your time came?

One of mine was Nick Lewandowski. I don't know anyone who knows more about pop music than he does. And if he was qualified to win me a million dollars one day, then he's qualified to be part of The Big "C" panel of judges on this particular question. So, then, let's check in with Nick on a recent submission from Carlo, my brother-in-law, who gave us names from a New Edition song:

NICK:

"As much I, like you, appreciate Carlo's enthusiasm regarding the New Edition song that name-checks the members of the band (er, vocal group) -- including that seems to create a slippery slope. A huge percentage of hip-hop/rap artists name-check themselves in nearly all of their songs. I think that if we allow that to count, the whole purpose will have been defeated."


AP!:
Let me stop you a little bit sooner, Nick, with the possibility of "hip-hop/rap" artists creeping into this humble blog. No, no and no. I agree with you: the slippery slope must be un-slipped and de-slopped.

No name-checks permitted.

Sorry, Carlo. I'm afraid that Ronnie, Bobby, Rickie and Mike are now off the list.

HOWEVER, Nick also submits the song "Hey Ricky" by Melissa Manchester. So "Ricky" is back on the list through a different avenue.

There must be a "Bobby" out there somewhere, too. Anybody?

Back to NICK:

"Another point. I thought I saw that you mentioned a limitation regarding American pop music -- or something to that effect. I assume -- and indeed this must be case -- that you are including songs by non-Americans that have some influence/following among American consumers -- thus qualifying under a loose definition of "pop." As such, non-Americans like Van Morrison and Elton John would be included. I think this would allow inclusion of country music as well."

AP!: Yes, time to be more clear about this. We're looking for songs that are familiar to the widespread American audience, regardless of who sings them. By "widespread," I mean, 'Anyone who knows me."

How very handy that our judge includes country music, because I have the following submissions from Dr. Matthew Mayfield, the famed Texan:

Willie
Whelan

These are both from the same country song, though I don't have the title because I was really just a little surprised that after the "How did Chemo go?" conversation was over he had launched into men's names he'd thought of.

Stunning? Indeed. Am I TOTALLY proud that I've got my surgeon spending idle moments thinking about this? You betcha.

I DID ask him, "Does anyone outside of Texas know that Whelan is a guy's name?"

Also, he submits

Elvis
Luke
Charlie

From "Who's Going to Fill Their Shoes" or somesuch. These 3 names happened to be repeated from other submissions, in case you're skittish about how loose I'm being with the details.

Speaking of that lingering Mayfield suggestion of "Ben" from the Michael Jackson song about a rat (?) Kathryn Queeney came up with Benny and the Jets. So the pressure is off Jacko and his promoters to make good on that name.

Also from Kathryn, we've got

Luke
Chester

from "They Weight" performed by The Band, commonly known as "Take a Load off Fanny."

Paul --from the Beatles e.g. "The walrus was Paul" and
Tom --from David Bowie's Major Tom.

Kathryn's mother, Mary Lou Queeney--these are friends from my 'hood, everyone, and you'll be hearing from Mrs. Queeney tomorrow when I post some of her e-mail--shocks us all with the obvious

Louie from Louie, Louie DUH! But let's not beat ourselves up over the obvious.

Rachel has come up with multiple submissions--love that dogged perseverance!--and given us

Daniel --from the Elton John song
Eddie --from Billy Joel's Scenes from an Italian Restaurant
Anthony --from Movin' Out by the same
Jude --from the Beatles

Sister #3 hit a jackpot with Paul's Simon's 50 Ways to Leave your Lover

Stan
Gus
Roy
Lee

Too bad that song didn't include 50 guys' names! Are there more in there? That's for someone else to do a lyrics search on--I can't do everything around here.

This is a very strong hint to someone to look up We Didn't Start the Fire by Billy Joel. Lots of names in there. Some of them might be first names. Who's gonna' get on this?

Speaking of jackpots, Bryan hit one, too. REM's "Man on the Moon" yields

Andy
Fred
Elvis
Moses
Charles
Peter

Ka-BAM!

Janice suggested Amadeus. The judges have been considering. And I think it stands. A middle name, sure. But middle names are just first names that get second place. It's not Amadeus' fault that Mozart's parents preferred Wolfgang.

Sister #2, Mary Jean, wrote in with "Jessie's Girl"--aha! Of course! She also points out that the singer, Rick Springfield, was a doctor on General Hospital before this one-hit-wonder and that she preferred him as a doctor over a rock star. Sorry, we're not going to open up a sub-list of Songs Sung by Soap Opera Stars. But the important thing is that we've captured the name "Jessie."


Finally, back to Nick:

Vincent by Don McClean (sp?)
Joey by Concrete Blond
Livin' on a Prayer by Bon Jovi (can't remember the dude's name -- Billy?)

If you can't remember the dude's name, then his name isn't on the list. BUT, Springsteen sings a couple songs with "Billy" in it, including "Gave it a Name," and "Rockaway the Nights." So Billy is on the list. But now I see that we already had it on the list. AND that I had, in error, given a space to Bill and to Billy. But forms of the name get only one spot.

Time to hit the sub-total button people:

1. Micky
2. Bill(y)
3. Maurice
4. Jack
5. Ben(nie)
6. Louie
7. Gene
8. Fred
9. Buddy
10. Henry
11. John(ny)
12. Ricky
13. Willie
14. Whelan
15. Elvis
16. Luke
17. Charles(Charlie)
18. Chester
19. Paul
20. Tom(my)
21. Daniel
22. Eddie
23. Anthony
24. Jude
25. Stan
26. Gus
27. Roy
28. Lee
29. Andy
30. Fred
31. Moses
32. Peter
33. Amadeus
34. Jessie
35. Vincent
36. Joey

36 guys' names??? Are you kidding me? How high is this going to go, people? One for every hair on my head?

Can we crank it through 50? What would happen if we broke 50? I feel like I'm on a runaway stage coach. So exhilarating, so fun, no way to know when the horses will peter out.

Keep 'em coming. 36 is no place to stop.

Serious Progress

Sister #4 e-mailed me with some very pertinent findings:

Janice:

So what exactly is the criteria for the whole male name in a song thing? Does the song need to be about a man or just reference a male name?

AP!: The song only has to use the male name once, as we find in "The Joker"'s use of "Maurice." And, the reference need not be to a human, as we find in Mayfield's example of that Michael Jackson song that uses Ben, which is a rat.

(Note to Nick L.: You should know what song he's talking about. Any help on this, buddy? I can't imagine what else is going on in Minnesota that you haven't already gotten on this for us. ;)

Back to Janice:


If it's just a reference, Carlo and I just came up with a bunch . . . and while I'd normally ask if you were curious and make you ask for them, I'm sure I'd forget before I could share them.

Anyhoo - Madonna references Gene Kelly and Fred Astaire on Vogue (and maybe others, but those are the two I recall from Carlo's recent rendition).

And then Carlo said there is a song "Cool It Now" by New Edition - one line starts "Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky, and Mike" (apparently these are the guys in New Edition).

And there is also Buddy Holly by Weezer?

AP!: Why is there a quesiton mark here? Is the question over whether there's a song about Buddy Holly, or about who sings it?


Janice:

And what about Danny Boy?


AP!: No. That's an Irish folk song, and our search is limited to American pop tunes from, say, 1955 and forward.

Janice:

Oh, and at the risk of putting the most annoying song in your head, what about Henry the Eighth? If you don't know this song, don't go find it, just trust me, it's a real song and it's been on the radio, and it's one of the worst songs ever.

AP!: Dammit, Janice! Now I've got "Henry the VIII, I am, I am. . ." in my head. But no one ever said this was a secure mission.

Janice:

Carlo is ona quest now to find more songs, so let me know the criteria asap!

Of course as I write this I recall the whole thing started with Dr. Science's first name Maurice and he must be special because how many male names are in songs - so you would think you don't really want to find more male names in songs, but I'm hoping this quest has evolved - after all "Maurice" is a pretty special name in and of itself.

AP!: Hey. It's not about leaving some names in an elite category. It's about the truth. My overall hypothesis is that the number of women's names appearing in American Pop Music far, far out-weighs the number of men's names. If we get to, like, 25 men's names, then we'll have to generate a list of women's names and have to reach, what? 100 names to "far out-weigh" them?

So let's see what we now have.
1. Micky
2. Bill
3. Billy (as in "Billy, Don't Be a Hero" and Van Morison's "It Stoned Me"--but this doesn't count as 2)
4. Maurice
5. Jack
6. Ben
7. Gene
8. Fred
9. Ronnie
10.Bobby
11.Rickie
12.Mike
13.Buddy
14.Henry

What a monster day here at the Big "C." From 6 to a whopping 14 in just one post.

Overall, fine, fine work, Janice. I like the enthusiasm. Love it. And Carlo, I am crazy about how you are hitting this so hard, man. Way to be team players, you two. It's heart and application of available force like this that will make this blog a success. Great, great effort, guys.

Etherized Again

I had my port surgery follow-up yesterday with Mayfield. Part II of the report from that appointment will come tomorrow. I'm knocking out the important part today.

And that part is to provide the complete details about my experience coming out of the haze. "Complete," that's my promise to you, even if it results in my own personal defamation, because the blogger code forbids that we varnish the truth, friends. And I am, I think you've seen over the last month, a very serious blogger.

This "etherized" report begins with the movie High Fidelity. It's not important what the movie is about (it's about music fanatics and the search for the wise decision when you have absolutely no worthy source of wisdom to consult--good luck with that, fellas!) it's not important that it's one of my Top 5 all-time favorite comedies, nor is it important that this is one of the few times when a movie is better than the book.

What's important is a short exchange early in the movie between Barry, an unkempt, obnoxious store clerk and his two co-workers.

(These guys are arguing about which group recorded the superior version of "Little Latin Lulu")

Co-worker 1: I just prefer-

Barry: BULLCRAP!

Co-worker 2: How can it be bullcrap to state a preference, Barry?


I've always thought that Barry is right about this. He meant that the first co-worker was wrong to think that one song was superior to the other. And Barry never learned the to censor himself for the sake of civil decorum.

I've learned to censor myself. When people talk about their aesthetic tastes, I put on a "You're OK, I'm OK" kind of air and let it ride. I like to think that I do have important things to say about important subjects, matters of eternal consequence, really. So I try not to waste personal capital or interpersonal energy on temporal matters.

(The only thing that matters to Barry is rock n' roll. So of course he's passionate about calling out the inferior choice.)

So, yes, I do believe there are some objective standards to be applied to aesthetic values. For instance, if you don't think Tobias Wolf's "Say Yes" is a perfect short story, you're wrong.

If you don't think Gene Hackman's Hoosiers pep talk is among the Top 10 greatest Locker Room Speeches in American sports movies history, you're wrong.

If you don't think Springsteen's "Frankie" is an ideal summer song for playing when you're sitting outside with friends, you're wrong.

(I know you are thinking: "Frankie" - a guy's name in a song!!! Nope. This Frankie is a woman. But this reminds me that right before the port surgery, Mayfield came in to do his pre-surgery thing and mentioned that he'd thought of another guy's name. Michael Jackson, in the old days, sang a song about "Ben," who was, I think, a rat. (?) I don't know. This is Mayfield's reference, not mine. I looked at him for a moment when he told me this and then said, "I won't hold it against you that you know the lyrics to Michael Jackson songs."

Then he said, and serious blogger that I am, I must allow him his defense, "Hey, this was from his young, black days. Not his old, crazy days."

And now you are thinking: Amy! You learned about a song for the on-going list in an on-going mission and you failed to report it??? COME ON!!! Are you serious about wanting to accomplish something during this whole cancer thing or is your whole blog just a big, worthless joke?

I know. I know. I need to keep my eye on the prize.

So: Mickey, Bill, Billy, Maurice, Jack and now Ben. That's 6.

Dang. I had a point here. . .

Oh right. My point is that it's not the case that all aesthetic values are subjective. Some are objective. And there are a couple of ancient Greek philosophers who would back me up on this.

But in my day to day operations, I don't live as though I believe this. Instead, I try to be polite.

All of which is a set-up to the "personal defamation" portion of the story. You see, Mayfield told me today what I said when coming out of the ether last Thursday.

It wasn't full-on "ether" like in the first surgery. It felt all the same to me in that I was suddenly asleep and then suddenly awake somewhere else. But this is stalling. It's time to tell you what I said upon first consciousness.

I was having a bad dream that there was a song playing that I hated. It was a Natalie Merchant song. I don't hate all of her music. But this one particular number is terrible. What do the lyrics even mean? It's so lazy! It just repeats itself with kind of dark and cynical words that can't possibly match up to the melody and light-heartedness she's singing it with! I hate this song.

Are you dying to know what I'm talking about? Fine. You want to ruin your day by getting it into your head? Fine. Here are the lyrics. And here is the song performed, though the video was made by some random poster. I don't mind pointing out that it pained me to re-expose myself to this song just to find the links for you. But that's the kind of serious blogger you're dealing with.

So I was hearing this song in my sleep and wanted to turn it off so badly, but couldn't. I was stuck listening to it. When I could speak, and Mayfield was standing there, here's how the conversation went:

Me: Was there music in the OR?

Mayfield: Yeah.

Me: Well I heard this song in my dream. It was like a nightmare. I couldn't turn it off. I kept thinking, 'This song sucks!'

Mayfeild: Yeah, Amy. That was my IPOD playing.


Well. If he thinks that's a good song, he's wrong.

It gets worse. That is, I knew about the IPOD thing before the follow-up because it was the first thing I remembered saying. Wasn't sure if it was as remarkable to him, but, yes, 4 days later, he mentioned it. (At one point he read some of this blog, and now I'm thinking that he may still be reading and finding himself further commented-up, in which case, "Hey, Bro! It's all good!")

Here's what he told me about that I didn't remember: There was a song playing as they wheeled me out. A country Gospel version of "Leaning on the Everlasting Arms," and I was saying, through my haze, "I have a better arrangement of this song. I have a better arrangement!"

Here again, we find the same aesthetic. . .non-politeness that is a little more like Barry and a little less like what I aspire to.

What Mayfield didn't know I meant was not, simply, that I had a recording at home I thought was better than this recording. But that this classic hymn, beloved by so many, is one that so poorly matches up the lyrics to the melody.

The lyrics are a lullaby. The melody is just. . .a disaster. I don't care who's singing it.

I wrote different chords and melody to it altogether! Years ago. I sang my version at Gramma's funeral, as a matter of fact, because she was the one I had always pictured really living out a song like this. So by crying out, "I have a better arrangement!" I was really saying--should I write "admitting" in that, obviously, I think this is true?--that I have a better musical aesthetic regarding this one hymn than all of modern Christendom.

And so we see how, when etherized, one's deep-rooted, easy-to-cover-up-so-you-can-look-like-a-good-person arrogance surfaces to the outside. Did it seek out and offend the snotty anesthesia nurse? Or the combat nurse who ignored my caution and put a giant bandage that I did not need directly onto my arm hair while saying, 'Too bad, so sad!'?

No. Twice in the same foggy 5 minutes, I managed to assault one of the Good Guys in this whole odyssey.

So that's the full story. The whole confession. I didn't want to tell you all about it. But a serious blogger does not obfuscate the truth.

Second Surgical Follow-Up and the Thoughts that Don't Really Follow

This is the fifth consecutive week Bryan and I have taken the long drive down to Ft. Carson for an appointment, and some of those weeks featured multiple visits. It's become our weekly date. And I know that sounds pathetic but a) when someone else is watching your kids and you get to have uninterrupted conversations and a lunch with no one asking for a sip from your drink--even if that lunch is in the hospital cafeteria--it counts as a date and b) really, how many things are all that pathetic in context of a recent breast removal surgery?

Now that I am in week 7 since learning the lump was not a swollen lymph node, I've developed a certain mechanism. It's not a "coping" mechanism because I don't think I'm doing it for the sake of "getting through." It's more of a "stimulant" mechanism to keep myself from getting too "bored" with the process.

And the mechanism is this: I've started to become a little obsessed with completely irrelevant details.

Like Dr. Science's first name. Maurice. Mark my words, people: I will find out how a man born in the last third of the last century came to be named Maurice. Family name? Ethnic name? What are his siblings called? I cannot let it rest. Poor, poor, Dr. Markus. He has no idea how I intend to hound him.

Like Evans hospital and its pens. I have seen the pens in the following offices: surgery, admissions, pre-admission and x-ray and every desk has a flower pot full of marbles with pens that have been wrapped with green tape and a fake flower sticking out the top.

Yes, I know this is to keep people from walking away with their pens. (And in a way, it's such a vote of confidence in people regarding their good will: Surely, people are not stealing pens. They simply aren't paying attention when they stick them in their pockets. So dressing them up to be much prettier pens won't make the problem worse, even though if I had to steal, I know I'd take a flower pen and not one unadorned; but instead, it will solve the problem.)

My question is one of origin. Who made all these pens for the hospital? Candy stripers? Orderlies? Some little old lady volunteer? I asked the gal at the pre-admisisons desk and she said that she and "the others" had a "pen party" one day to make them.

Well. I mean. . . Did all the desk people in the offices I've visited have their own pen parties one day? Did the Army send out a memo to hospital personnel regarding the Top 10 ways to save money? (#1: Stop over-prescribing--you know we give these drugs away for free! through #10: Make your pens into flowers.)

Something else: Mayfield was telling a story several appointments ago that related to drug theft within the hospital and this story included his mentioning some girl he'd dated in college. He said, "She was a Texan. I'm a Texan. So we dated," and then went on with his story.

What?

Who says this? Who suggests that the principle reason to date someone is hailing from the same state? Texans, that's who! I know other Texans, and they are like this. Since hearing this, I've been paging through the mental files of my experience with Texans. It's like I'm trying to build a case against them. I've met many Texans here in the Springs. How do I know they're Texans? They tell me. Most of the time. They are. . . they are. . . state chauvinists.

And don't get me wrong: I luuuuuuv the Texans! This is a quirk and not a fault, to my judgment. But I would like to offer the following true story to demonstrate what those of us from the other 48 are like. (Not 49. Why? Ohioans!! They are like mini-Texans! I should know. I married one and he and his family are like Texans in this way, only to a slighter degree.)

I met one of Bryan's co-workers in Korea who had lived in Illinois. Elmhurst, Illinois. Hello! I had repaired the parkway on the very street where he had lived. He went to Sandburg and then York, so we had no teachers in common. But still! We were from the very same suburb.

And we had exactly one conversation about this before moving on to small talk on other subjects. I saw him often in those 2 years and we didn't bring up the Illinois connection even once. No Illinois wave between us. No secret Illinois handshake. (Don't pretend like you don't have one, Texans.) No longhorn gestures combatted by whatever the Aggies do. Nothing. Because we don't think there's anything super-special about being an Ill-annoy-in.

I can't tell you how often I've rolled this state thing over in my head. Trying to figure if any other state produces people who are like this. (Aside from Ohio, of course.)

These are the things I find engaging nowadays. Surgery? Yeah, yeah. Did that. Healing up well. The minor infection is almost all cleared up. Surgery coming up to install the port? Yep. That'll happen on 23 July--next Thursday. Chemo? Uh huh. Starting 3 August. Got to go to a class first to learn all about it.

But the name Maurice. Now this deserves attention. . .