I'm not done with their literature yet. Well. I'm done reading it. But I'm not done making fun of it.
I meant for yesterday's post to be on the funny side, and as I continue today, please see me smiling as I write this. It's all very grim in some sense. But it's also pretty amusing. When I unpacked it weeks ago, after my meeting with She Who Shall Not Be Named, Bryan looked at the stack and asked, "What are you going to do with this?"
Heh heh: Blog fodder.
My favorite item in the bag (OK, wait a sec, about that bag. . . I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with it. It's clearly a Breast Cancer Bag. And because it's the over the shoulder/backpack hybrid, it's even kind of shaped like a breast. It has the archer girl embroidered on it. Where do I take a bag like this? I suppose it would be received as another item in the vast array of breast cancer support-pink, and THAT is a blog entry for a future day. I don't know. Maybe it's cute.)
My favorite item in the bag is one titled "my diary." Smaller case letters. Because that's a little more chic than upper case. Archer girl is shooting a line through the title. The front and back covers are hot pink.
I am told on the inside, next to the picture of a pink ribbon and under the phrase "especially for you," that "This diary is for you to record your thoughts and experiences during your treatment."
Oh. OK. So I turn the page to find it labeled "week 1," and on the first line is the direction, "Start your journey here."
Oh! Directions! For how to get through breast cancer! Thanks, Genentech!
What should I do during weeks 1 through 8, because I'm already on week 9 (at the time of getting this diary).
Well, week 2. . . On the opposite page. No directions that week.
Week 3, "Reach out for support." Nothing on week 4. Maybe they didn't have the budget to come up with directions for the even weeks.
Week 5, "Consider joining a support group." Oh. Maybe that's for the people who spent weeks 3 and 4 "reaching out for support," but not finding it. Damn. Now they've wasted 2 weeks when Genentech could have told them to join a support group during week 3!
Week 7, "Keep going." Geez! I really wish I'd had my meeting with She Who Shall Not Be Named earlier, so that I would have read this in time for week 7 because during week 7, I was thinking, "Hmm, maybe I should stop doing what I need to do to save my life--" and hearing that Genentech thinks I should "keep going" would have been a real help right about then.
Week 9, "Stay hopeful." Again, really helpful. Not as helpful as week 11, "Stay positive."
This diary is truly. . .and artifact. Of something. Week 13 is "Challenge yourself with a crossword puzzle."
?????
Has a crossword ever helped anyone feel better about herself if she weren't already a person who does crossword puzzles?
Every odd week offers a little gem. Some of it is actually bad medical advice: Week 35, "Take time for yourself with a relaxing bubble bath." Uh, Genentech? Stepping into a hot bath after having your lymph nodes removed could trigger lymphedema in that arm. I know your yoga models wouldn't have a concern about that, but those of us whose lives actually need saving by your drug are now kind of limited that way.
OK, OK, you get the picture.
On the last page are "inspirational quotes." And here's your chance to play along!
There are 3 quotes. I'll tell you who wrote/said the first 2. For the 3rd one, how about we play 20 Questions in the comments section?
"Laughter is teh shortest distance between 2 people" - Victor Borge
"When I discover who I am, I'll be free" - Ralph Ellison
And the one that you will guess over:
"Let your light shine--shine within you so that it can shine on someone else. Let your light shine." -- ??????
Rules:
1. You are all on the same team. I'll log in to answer Yes or No to whatever questions are in the comments section. Not sure how painstaking that will be, but I'll try to check often.
2. NO USE OF THE INTERNET. You're only data set for guessing should be my answers to your questions.
3. Go!
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22 comments:
Are they song lyrics? I don't know why but I have a Captain & Tennille song running through my head right now. So thanks for that.
1. Are they song lyrics?
No. 19 left.
Okay, given that you're making fun of this diary, and that you provided two quotes from scholarly types (I think), I'm guessing your third quote is someone people wouldn't often think of as scholarly. Is the quoter a celebrity? Janice
2. Is the quoter a celebrity?
YES. 18 left.
I'm assuming it's a woman celebrity who has had breast cancer? Maybe Christina Applegate?
barbara streisand? jane fonda?
3. Is it a woman celebrity who has had breast cancer?
NO. 17 left, because the subsequent names wouldn't have been asked.
If it HAD been a breast cancer survivor (or non-survivor), I don't think I'd have the nerve to make fun of it. . .
Amy!
I remember reading about this back when it was said. I don't want to give it away and ruin it.
Maybe that was a hint...hmmm
I wanna see how many questions it takes.
Vicki
Thanks for your honesty, Vicki. You could have called it out and everyone would have thought you were a genius! :)
Is it a female celebrity?
Is it a male celebrity?
Mary Jean
4. Is it a woman?
YES. 16 to go.
given how insensitive Genentech has been, I wonder if this celebrity is particularly well-endowed?
kq
Heh Heh! Good one, KQ.
5. Is this celebrity well-endowed?
YES! 15 to go.
(Here's a free-bie: it's not Dolly Parton)
Hey I just guessed it! (Cheated and checked my idea online, so I won't say who :-) ) But it totally sounded like the cheesey crap this celeb likes to spew on a regular basis. My second runner-up was Tyra of Top Model fame. :-)
6. Does this celeb spew this sort of cheesey crap on a regular basis?
In my opinion, yes.
(The data point here: "regular basis.")
Is it Oprah Winfrey? Mary Jean did not look anywhere, just took a guess.
Is she Britney Spears? Sounds like a silly lyric she'd sing. -RMcKenna
Ding! Ding! Ding!
Oprah Winfrey. Y'all got it in 7 guesses, not bad at all.
I guess I find it ridiculous because, well. . .what on earth does Oprah Winfrey have to do with anything that Genentech would quote her, of all people?
Yes, yes, I KNOW she's received by many, many, many as a goddess of wisdom and a Life Coach of some sort.
But she's never had cancer. So. . .who is she to be giving directions to Herceptin patients? It's not like this is a quote of something she said in an interview somewhere. This is an exhortation from Oprah to every person in the world.
And it makes me think, "Oh, shut up."
Good job MJ! And Amy, wrt the quote itself, are you sure it was originally uttered in reference to cancer or cancer patients? It's possible that she said this while talking to a guest who was in the flashlight or burning torch business. (did you know that the British call flashlights torches?)
Although, it's also entirely possible that Oprah will reveal to the world that she has, in fact, had cancer because she is everywoman and able to relate to all of our problems.
Did I ever tell you that I worked out with her at the EBC once? Yep, she walked up and took the treadmill right next to me. We didn't chat because we're both serious workout freaks but some woman (who may have actually been with her) was on the other side and just yakked the whole time. I would have shot her.
I'd like to know in what context Oprah said this . . . it is definitely typical of her cheesy crap, but I betcha it'll be a lot cheesier if we know the context. Since Vicki remembers it from when it was said, perhaps she can fill us in? Janice
Let me start by saying that in no way am I an Oprah fan, watch her show or read her magazine.
With that said in order to explain why I would remember this I have to paint a picture of sorts.
I am not a writer or story teller like Amy! but I will try.
I was admitted into the hospital to be induced.
The nurses were friendly and chatty. While we were doing the "interview" paperwork, the nurse asked me if I was interested in having an epidural. I told her it depended on who the CRNA was on call. I told them I knew one of the CRNA's on staff and was not interested in this person doing it as this person had worked at the same hospital that I did and I knew why he quit and moved to that particular town. Both nurses laughed and we made more small talk about this person as they had been let go. This dialoge opened up alot of other chit chat of sorts throughout the night.
There was a desk in the room for the nurses to do their charting at, so I was never really alone in my room.
While one nurse was sitting at the desk (charting)umm reading a magazine, the other was looking for something.
It was a slow night. Not alot of patients this particular evening.
Anyway, the nurse could not find what she was looking for. She came in and out of the room. She finally spoke up and said that the dr would be miffed if they could not find the particular light he likes to have for his deliveries.
There was alot of laughter and joking.
About the time the one nurse freaked out about the light, the other nurse started laughing out loud. She just so happened to be reading I'm guessing the O magazine...She piped up with the quote. We laughed.
When the dr got there, the joking about the light continued about his light shining and where it was shining etc...
The dr didnt have a clue, it was funny and we had a baby.
I hope that helps to explain why something like that would be memorable.
I kinda love that there's a Victor Borge quote. (He's not an academic!) The piano playing comedian weighed in. Love it.
-Amanda
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