Sunday Storytime: The Korean Locker Room

The following is a story from the Vault. MLQ's comment about being a in locker room got me to thinking about the locker room at the club on Post. Parin and I would go often, on our own and with our girls. We'd swim with them, hit the hot tub with them, then get dressed and go to lunch, all without stepping outside, which made it the perfect winter morning activity.

But there were always many Korean women at the club, which also made it an interesting morning activity. . .

Here’s how Americans operate: You work out. You go to the locker room. Go into the showers dressed. Deposit your clothes on the chair outside your shower curtain. Shower up. Towel-up. Return to your locker. Get dressed. It’s a 7-minute evolution, carried through with an expedient sense of modesty.

The Korean version: Work out. Go to locker room. Undress. Bandy about, naked, collecting various shower articles. Stop to talk to random woman standing next to you. Mosey into shower. Stop by whirlpool spa and talk to ladies sitting in tub.

Shower up. Towel up hair. Drip the rest dry. Take out lotion and moisturize your entire body in front of a wall of mirrors. Amble to and fro among towel stacks, but do not to take one to cover yourself even though the sign clearly states: Please wear bathing suit or suitable alternative when lounging in locker room and spa.

Ladies, tell me, does the Hongul translation beneath this sign read, "If you got it, flaunt it"?

It’s not that I object to naked. I’ve given birth. If I ever had a problem with naked, I’m over it now. Nothing wrong with naked. It’s just that there is a time and place for naked. And 25-30 minutes of post-work-out naked preening is just. . .too much naked.

Stacks of clean, fluffy towels stand in abundance, waiting for use. These women are all thin enough to fit inside one towel with plenty of room for tucking in. So ladies, come on. I mean, what’s with the naked?

Eventually, they do get dressed. They do their hair quite elaborately. They apply a full swath of make-up. And the whole time, they are speaking in Korean, commenting now and again, I presume, that the Americans in the room with them are slobs, and if they could just spend a bit more time on themselves before getting on with their day. . .

Except when Gemma is in the locker room with them. Then they talk about her. At the end of our swim, I take her suit and diaper off, wrap her in a towel and sit her on the bench while I (expediently) get dressed.

The other day, she was waiting for me when a locker door slammed behind her and she jerked her head to the noise. Immediately, she furrowed her brow, slowly re-cocked her head and then jerked it again. This made her smile a bit. Then she did it again and started laughing. Then again. Each time, she made her wet piggy tales slap her face and spray a bit of water. What fun!

The Korean women crowded around her, as always, gently pinching her soft, juicy limbs, wrapping their fingers in her curly locks, cooing, "She's so keewwwt! So keewwwt!! Laughing at her head-jerking trick.

Gemma finally stopped her trick and looked back at them, relaxed. She wasn’t smiling anymore. She was instead asking, with that look in her eyes, "Why are all of you naked?"