The Weekend Report

Today, finally, I felt 100%. Or at least the chemo-version of 100%. So we have a few days to enjoy before the next round on Monday. The timing is nice because Bryan is in the midst of an exercise and his shift goes from 3 AM to 11 AM, which means he gets home around 3 PM. (Not exactly a strict shift. . .) So this week, we have all afternoon together as a family and then he and the kids go to bed at the same time: 7 PM.

Anyway. I'm ready to report to you on my weekend. Which was really horrible.

The cramping I described from Friday continued on to Saturday and I spent all of Saturday evening and night in the bathroom with you-know-what. So frustrating.

48 hours into it, I called Dr. Markus on Sunday, mid-morning. That's always uncomfortable. It's the guy's weekend.

Not as uncomfortable as severe cramping, though, so ring-a-ding-ding.

To his immense credit he was totally fine with it and didn't sound the least bit annoyed. I described the situation and he said, "This wouldn't be a side effect of chemotherapy, you're too far away from your last treatment. It sounds like you have an infection."

"An infection?" What was he talking about? Seriously. I had no idea what he could be talking about.

"Yes. . ." he proceeded, in a tone that conveyed, "Why do you sound confused?"

I had an infection in my GI tract and "The best thing is really just Immodium."

"Immodium?" What the hell was Immodium? Seriously. Maybe I'd seen a commercial for it once. . .

"Yes. Immodium. And ignore the package that says take only one every 8 hours or whatever. You should take one an hour until things slow down."

Well. OK. I thanked him, he said to go to the hospital for a blood check if I spiked a fever and otherwise call him if I didn't feel better in the next few hours.

Bryan got this Immodium stuff for me. And after just one of them, I felt better. After 2, I felt completely human. After 3, I felt cured.

Of course, it's now 48 hours later and I still haven't pooped.

Oh, I'm sorry. Did you not want to know that?

Who knew there was a magical pill called Immodium out there? Hooray, hooray for Immodium!

I related all this to Sarah and she said, "There are some people whose lives are like this."

"Like this" as in "People who take all kinds of medicine all the time."

And this, I realize, is one of the Top 5 Annoying Things about chemotherapy. Things that, I think, She Who Shall Not Be Named should tell patients about during their chemo classes. Things that, though immeasurable, are really difficult to live with. The thing is this:

I've always been a pretty healthy person. When I did get sick, it was always a cold/congestion kind of thing. I don't remember the last time I've ever had a fever. The only time I have bathroom issues is when I've been food poisoned or, closely related, sugar-poisoned.

It's not that I've been living a life deprived of Immodium. It's that I've never needed it.

Sometimes part of the struggle now is my sheer inexperience with the symptoms. Feeling like this is all just so. . .surprising. I spent the week leading up to the weekend with a right eye full of styes. (4 total, actually, all on the upper lid.) My eye was nearly swollen shut. Extremely painful.

Styes! Who wants to deal with styes??? Especially when the first and last one I've ever had before chemo came around 11 years ago. I am not a person who gets styes.

But. I guess I am. Being that person is somehow an assault on my pride. And you know how pride is. Whatever opposes it invariably makes the Top 5 List of Annoying Things, no matter who are.