PET Scan Results

25 June 09

My surgery is tomorrow.

The good news from yesterday is that the PET scan came back negative. That is, the cancer is not elsewhere in my body at a size bigger than 1/2 a centimeter. (It might be somewhere smaller than that, I suppose. . .)

It is "locally spread," meaning the tumor in my right breast, the lymph nodes in the right arm pit, and a few lymph nodes up under the collar bone that the surgeon will not be able to remove.

I am thankful for this. The reality of the surgery--a radical mastectomy, which means a big portion of my pectoral muscle too--is kind of hanging over my head and overshadowing the sense of relief I should be feeling. But it's OK for all of you to feel relieved.

The PET scan began with an injection of radioactive glucose. Many of you know that I have a bizarre allergy to refined sugar--even a little bit of it gives me the effects of severe food poisoning. About 6 hours after the injection, I had a "sugar reaction" and spent the entire night in the bathroom with vomitting and toilet problems. It is very hard to recover from a night like that under normal circumstances, but with the added stress of the surgery, today has been a very, very difficult day indeed.

I'll have to ask next time if they can use organic radioactive glucose.

I keep thinking of the part of Christ's passion where He prayed in the garden. Knowing what was coming ahead of Him. Not really wanting to go there. And yet He did, and He did it for love. I feel like I'm tasting a small sip of that cup--there is so much sadness and grief in this. And yet I will do this for my children and for Bryan.

Romans 8 has also been a real comfort to me. It happens sometimes that you read a verse that you've read before many times only this time it shines in a different way. This is what has ministered to me:

"Those who live in the Spirit set their minds on things of the Spirit. Those who live in the flesh set their minds on things of the flesh."

I live in the Spirit. And what is true about the spiritual world is that my Redeemer lives, and He reigns, and He walks ahead of me in this. So, grief. . .yes. But there is comfort for those who mourn. And His joy comes in the morning.